Monday, December 07, 2009

Imagine this, the four way talk

Uncle Sam, Chachu India, Chacha Pakistan and Akaa Ghanistan walk into a cafe.

Uncle Sam orders a mocha frappuccino and a lemon pound bread. He pays by credit.

Chachu India walks up to the counter, orders a latte and some scones and hands it all over Akaa Ghanistan. He then whispers in his ear - "Not a word to anyone. I did not get you all this!". He then walks away and takes a table two seats away from Uncle Sam.

Chacha Pakistan walks in with a made is USA overcoat, glances over to Uncle Sam expecting an invite. Uncle Sam, realizing his predicament, waves to the Chacha asking him to join his table. With a sheepish smile, Chacha joins Uncle Sam, gleefully chiming - "Only because you asked me to, Uncle!"

Meanwhile, Akaa is still standing holding the goodies he got from Chachu India. Looking around he spots Uncle Sam and Chacha Pakistan seated in a corner table and decides to walk up and join them.

"Where did you get these?", asks the Chacha. "What do you mean where I got these? I bought them myself." responds Akaa.

Not to let go so easily, continues Chacha, "I meant how did you pay for...".

"Never mind, guys. Settle down. We have much to talk about", interrupts the Uncle.

Chacha grumbles under his breathe, glances over at Chachu India and makes a rude hand gesture. Chachu rolls his eyes and chuckles.

"First you", points the Uncle, to Akka. "You need to get your act straight. I am not going to keep baby sitting you forever. You are old enough to walk leave alone crawl. Next summer I plan to head back home. And so the clock is ticking."

Akaa gets a bit upset and defensive. "I never asked for your help....", he then pauses mid-sentence realizing the futility of the argument. "I never asked for your help forever. Given the right conditions, I should not be needing either you or your family's help by next summer".

Chacha Pakistan takes off his coat and hangs it behind his chair. He then proceeds to get comfortable. This is going to take a while he thinks to himself.

Noticing this, an irritated Akaa raises his voice. "When do you plan to resolve my next door problem, Uncle?" he says in an apparent reference to the Chacha. "Lot of bug problems from the house next door."

"What do you mean next door?" questions the Chacha. "You have no proof of that. And by the way, its not like your house is spic and span clean." Chacha retorts.

"You don't need to worry about my house." slams Akaa. "Just make sure your bugs remain in your boundary. Just plug those cracks in the wall. You have been at it for over two years now but nothing to show."

An angry Chacha, not one to give in so easily, says "You are beginning to annoy me....".

Uncle Sam heaves. "All right boys. This is not productive. And I don't have all the time in the world".

Now turning his attention to Chacha Pakistan, Uncle Sam begins to admonish, "I don't see why you should protest. What Akaa says is partially right. You seem to want the best furnishings for your house but don't realize the house roof is leaky and the walls are falling apart. I really don't understand what you plan to do with all the money you keep borrowing from me".

"Anyways, this time around you don't get the money unless you furnish the bills first. So you pay out of your own pocket first and then get it reimbursed from me", added the Uncle.

"But that's not fair", complained Chacha. "For no fault of mine you are punishing me", said the Chacha cutting a sorry face.

"Ok, alright what's the excuse today?" quizzed the Uncle.

"No excuse. Its for real and you know it." says the Chacha.

"Okay Okay. Stop wining and tell me what's bothering you." - Uncle Sam.

Chacha Pakistan pulls up a single sheet of worn out paper and begin to read from it, "Why do you think the bugs are so attracted to Akaa's house? Look at what he is holding in his hand. Every now and then "someone" gives him a bag of goodies which is why the bugs troop to this house. If you (Uncle) can somehow get that someone to stop giving Akaa these goodies it will not only help Akaa but also help me."

"Okay, I don't know who this someone is. But I get the feeling that you already know and are about to tell me", retorts Uncle Sam.

"Ofcourse, Ofcourse I will educate you, Uncle", continues Chacha.

"Who else but our dear Chachu. Even these goodies that Akaa is holding was given to him by Chachu. Ask him?" says Chacha.

"Why did I think you were going to say that!" quips Uncle.

Realizing the futility of this conversation without Chachu India, Uncle Sam gets up from his Chair. "I am going to be back in a few mins", he says. "Don't go any where, stay right here". Then he slowly walks in the direction of table where Chachu India is sitting.

Seeing this, Chacha gets really cheerful. He even begins to whistle slowly. Akaa shakes his head in dismay and begins to dig into his scone.

Chachu catches a glance of the approaching Uncle through the corner of his eye. He pretends to not notice and continues to read his book intently.

"Hello Chachu. Long time. How is everything?" greets the Uncle.

Looking totally surprised by the sudden visit, Chachu says, "Hello Uncle ji, what a surprise. I didn't know you visited this cafe. What brings you here?".

"Oh well! I wanted to talk to you about some Home Improvement topics. Is this a good time?" asks the Uncle. Uncle Sam notices that Chachu had cleverly seated himself at a table that had only one chair and so automatically disinviting the Uncle!

Nevertheless, Uncle Sam decided to make do with just standing.

"I would love to talk Home Improvement", replied Chachu. "But you see, I have this book to finish and return by end of today. Why don't we do this another time?".

Akaa and Chacha were watching the back and forth from a distance. Turning to Akaa, Chacha says "Look at the great Uncle. He is not even given a seat to sit but he still has no shame. He is still standing there shamelessly. What is it about Chacha that he fears? I don't get it? He treats us like spoiled kids and treats Chacha like a wise man. It irritates me to the core. Did you know Akaa, Chachu and me are of the same age. Actually I am older to him by a day".

Unable to take it anymore, Akaa barks back "Just shut up! You are jealous. Why can't you mind your own business. Chachu has done well for himself and thats why everyone has started respecting him. He has put his house in order ably and deserves to be treated better. And look at you. What excuse do you have? At least I have plenty, but you?". Done venting, Akaa goes back to his goodies.

Uncle Sam can hear the low decibel arguments going on behind him. He turns around sharply and gestures to both of them to put a sock in it. A temporary truce is called.

"Please Chachu ji. It won't take more than 10 mins of your time. Its for your own good". Uncle Sam wished he had eaten his last sentence.

"My own good? Are you here to sell me something Uncle?", retorts Chachu.

"Absolutely not. This is only a discussion. I need your input for some of the decisions I am making on a Home Improvement project. Your valuable advice and perhaps active help will be greatly appreciated.", reasoned Uncle.

"Look Uncle. This is the bottom line" said Chachu sternly.

"I am not here. Get it. I am not supposed to be in this cafe. You were not supposed to see me, least of all walk up to me. I am not interested in joining your home improvement project. So don't ask me for any advice. My only involvement is with Akaa and that too I did only after he invited me. I am simply trying to spray some bug spray into the cracks in his walls before applying some sealing agent. If you don't want me to help Akaa, simply tell me right now and I will up and walk."

Taken aback by Chachu's angry words, Uncle Sam decides to back off.

"Looks like you are in a bad mood Chachu. Don't sweat it. We can talk later after you are done with your book. Perhaps we can meet someplace else?" replies Uncle Sam.

"Yes Yes. Someplace else. I don't like to talk business in cafes. Too much noise." said Chachu.

"Okay sure. Bye for now", and then Uncle Sam begins to back track towards his table.

Akaa and Chacha try to control their laughter. Uncle Sam crashes into his seat with both Akaa's and Chacha's eyes trained on him.

"One word from any of your mouths, I will thrash both of you", barks Uncle Sam.


Shiv said...

wham bam thank you maam..:)

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